*a black heart drowning in euphoria*

Posts tagged “rising decidedly

Almost The Saddest Poem

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I wanna sing the saddest songs as if I would die…
Pre-death pre-burial requiems…
Lethal notes… Morose words and non-words…
I wanna sing the saddest songs as if I would live forever –
Forever in the dungeons of my benevolence.

And then, I wanna cry my soul out as if I’ve lost God…
But first, wish that I still have a soul for I no longer know…
I wanna run in circles within an untamed wilderness
to feel that I am not lost, in circles, running and wanting untamed…
after my tears have equalled the waves of all the world’s seas
including her… her tsunamis of centuries…

I want to find myself at the edge of a snow-capped mountain and never rest
then scream my frozen lungs out after expelling my guts,
scream until I hear only the sound of my recovered voice –
the one that could read and write sadder than almost the saddest poem…

Distorted and soul-starved,…

What did I say?

Straving for my soul,
I don’t ache to feel a little less alive…
Nor do I merely ache…
My madness does not represent a longing for joy.
Madness sways beyond the barbwires of longings.
Thus, not even a longing for death.
(You don’t need to die to be dead).
My loneliness is not soothed by company.
Loneliness is glory!
My burden blinds with the northern lights best in darnkess.
My passions severe the cosmos with their controlled nonexistence…
There is nothing more worse for me and ill
than the brooding mediocrity when I do not sing when I will.

—–
NOTES:

“Almost the Saddest Poem” is a remake of The Saddest Poem. But herein, the context changes somehow but the end-point remains. How can not being able to sing (no matter how you sound or don’t sound as silence can be music) be so sad? P.S. The titles have nothing to do with the levels of sadness in each of them.


No Love That Can’t

No Love That Can't

I know no love apart from madness,
no love that can’t fear unspeakably and yet, still dare
I know no love without insurmountable woe,
No love that can’t hold exuberant eternity in a blink so mundane…

I know no love that can’t magically take last breaths for ages
just wanting so enthusiastically to be there…
I know no love not selfless;
No love that can’t meet death unshaken…

I know no love without phenomenal outcomes,
no love that actually ends…
I know no love that merely lasts
but love that creates instances of glorious eternity

I know no love that doesn’t hold Heaven.
I know no love that can’t.

* dedicated to my grandfather Pio Espineda
December 4, 1930 – September 11, 2013
and to all who love *


If Darkness Is So Bad

Originally uploaded and copyrighted with credits for stock usage in xyldrae.deviantart.com and created for the “Scavenger Hunt” contest administered by the Intermediate-Manips group.

If darkness is so bad…
Why do we close our eyes when we pray…
Why as we become deeper
The further our visuals go away…
Is it not dark when we dream
And envision beyond what our eyes behold –
The sights that render us powerless
Against the worthy stories untold…

If darkness is so bad,
I dare you watch the stars in daylight
I dare you love less the sun…
I dare you keep your kisses to your sight
Don’t close your eyes when you make love
Gaze not at the twilight as it goes
Find no beauty in your favorite scenery
And imagine things without their shadows

If darkness is so bad,
What makes Light redeeming?
What heightens touch, what perfects sound
Why eyes are closed when soulfully singing?
If darkness is so bad,
I dare you, wish upon no shooting star
Pray only for what’s delighting.
Keep sane in continuous joys
Blind to the glory of overcoming.



The Real Battle

(Some lines were adapted in “Smile”, a song collaborated with three of the best rap artists in the Philippines. including my husband. This verse was also originally written as lyrics for an unfinished song.)

Slinging in the chambers of an empty mind
The devil smiles when he pries and he soothes with lies
They’re knocking on the cracks of your hollowed heart
Keep your grasp of the Truth, undeceived by dark
Conquer your ennui, perform a true deed
Shut down your judgement, let go of your greed
Be clinging to the good, be overpowering,
Hating on the bad that brings all suffering.

Get ready to battle your devils inside!
Get ready to battle the devils outside!!!
You’re ready to wipe out your devils inside…
You’re ready to wipe out the devil’s outside!

Anger is a gift, only if you overcome it
Miracles are common so believe it and behold it!
Realize all the lies until it’s no surprise
When all your haters have been unmasked before your weary eyes
Don’t be deceived or you won’t retrieve
The spoils of the battle, the fruits of the seed…

You’re given the power because you can control –
You know your greatness so live by your soul!
Don’t be so shallow and burn with your pride
Open yourself and find Jesus inside
Raise up your head and on Heaven’s side
Lay down your armour and shine with your light!


Tests For Bandages

There’s nothing wise in breaking a heart
Just to see how it would recover…
Should it recover…

There’s no reasonable reason for indifference
Just to hide how deeply one feels…
If one awarely feels…

The fear of rejection is what makes mankind
The worst deceivers of themselves…
And it differs from the need of acceptance…

So though there’s something deadly about living fully…
There’s nothing deadlier than every attempt to be unnatural
But to be urged to be unnatural is natural…


Face Up

Conquer all your deaths,
face up.
No matter how rotten you are by the flesh,
your dignified soul will fly…
People will think of you this way-
Martyr.
But you are not a slave of your mold.
The real you is all out and untouchable.
Know that as you wither,
you grow… freed of soul-cage…
So conquer .
Live up.


Three Steps

(A collaboration with Sherylene Dela Cruz)

As the wind blows, my knees weakened
and found myself in prayer.
The elements cast our heads bowed-
celestial inclination
after shrinking’s end
Off to the tunnel of glory
casting away all the fury – Let there be
drought for deep awakening!


Kings and Cowards

Kings and cowards are both men
Not all men are kings
But all men are cowards to
Drastic emotional change

And muses veil corrections assaultingly
With the knives that glare off stabbing eyes
Blindedly perceiving pain
Upon the splattered truth from instinct acted on

And so sweet lovers err…
And so sweet lovers die…


In All Its Fragile Ephemeral Existence

I am the course of ongoing purification
Grounded at the feet of our Lord
My heartbeats are Psalms,
I yearn for Heaven to rejoice

Though my mold may expire, from dust to dust
In all its fragile, ephemeral existence
These flesh and bones are made sacred and holy
By their containing eternity

Father Almighty, take this man-made crown
Attractive only to the Earth-bound
For without halo can we look not on true wealth
Destitute in Your kingdom, detrimental to health

Amaranthine, grasps on all things
God, I understand why I’m born without wings
The light in creation, can no other surmount
As we walk this transient path to the paramount

I am tried… and tired… And still tried…
Must keep my heart ethereal with Jesus Christ
I am the course of purification life-long, ongoing
Sanctified only by Heavenly belonging.


At Peace With His Bed

“How does one awarely feel
Every bit of Life?”
Is the question of a cold man’s heart
As he starts to exist only in his mind…

Is he not responsive to his longings
When he chooses pondering over rest?
Is he not materializing ambition
When he chooses dreaming over action?

One must be at peace with his bed,
Mastering the act of laying himself down
To God’s healing lullabies
And what He made the night to be…

One must be at peace with his bed,
Mastering the act of rising decidedly,
Embracing back God, now in the form of Light,
And what one can make out of the morning

And so on…

This is my own reply to “But A Simple Greatest Death”. This is also published in xyldrae.deviantart.com.