(First Unfinished Draft and Middle Part)
From a journey through layers from the ocean floor
We’ve smiled at its species, as we lovingly drawn close to their open doors…
Oh how man would give up his breaths,
To say hello to a clown in anemones…
And no matter how relentlessly expiring,
Life holds eternity in moments like these…
When I rose above the ocean water,
You were walking, satisfied, towards the shore.. .
My vision was still filtered and blurry
Yet I was magnificently seeing more…
Rain drizzled down enchantingly
On the calm and waveless sea…
It was bright and dim and dark all at the same time
In a moment of Life most sublime…
And as water kissed water
The sun couldn’t help but provide
A unique spotlight for every unique drop
And made the glow in your soul even more bright…
Suddenly, diamonds were dancing afloat,
Surrounding our humble family boat…
Their sparks froze such serene Settings in fleeting eternity
But the focus remained on the man Still walking slowly ahead of me…
Did you know,
That I see through your eyes and from my own?
It is a gift of gifts within me…
That you have sown and grown…
I know no love apart from madness,
no love that can’t fear unspeakably and yet, still dare
I know no love without insurmountable woe,
No love that can’t hold exuberant eternity in a blink so mundane…
I know no love that can’t magically take last breaths for ages
just wanting so enthusiastically to be there…
I know no love not selfless;
No love that can’t meet death unshaken…
I know no love without phenomenal outcomes,
no love that actually ends…
I know no love that merely lasts
but love that creates instances of glorious eternity
I know no love that doesn’t hold Heaven.
I know no love that can’t.
* dedicated to my grandfather Pio Espineda
December 4, 1930 – September 11, 2013
and to all who love *
Wake up in breathless mourning glory
Cheat and blame the skies
Turn your back on the stunning light before you
Drift off and die.
The devil shows you a tease
So you go on and pry
Pretending it won’t hurt more to stain more
So you build up the gallows of your head with lies
Take the gray off the ashes
And let them burn again-
This is your foul way of love
Will anyone get it right?
There’s nothing wise in breaking a heart
Just to see how it would recover…
Should it recover…
There’s no reasonable reason for indifference
Just to hide how deeply one feels…
If one awarely feels…
The fear of rejection is what makes mankind
The worst deceivers of themselves…
And it differs from the need of acceptance…
So though there’s something deadly about living fully…
There’s nothing deadlier than every attempt to be unnatural
But to be urged to be unnatural is natural…
(Image inspired by the song “Wild Child” by Lonesome Minstrel.)
Where you so alienated with too much familiarity?
It’s too easy to choose to stay away and be safe,
Kill the flame
Live the dream you have mastered
Where you so merely overwhelmed with too much serendipity?
It’s the hardest to decide not to spare a chance,
Burst the flame
Emblazon in the perfect hell where you’ve made yourself at home…
Where you so right with all you knew?
It’s too impossible to go on happily and feel clean,
Water the fire
Perfect the self-righteous freedom entrapment
I am strained by this explosive rest
From world and woe but of pure
Celestialness- Inauspicious breathing
When I found I was unwhole before you;
That I, without you, am a flame grand enough
But can not burn nor brighten as I should
And strained by this explosive rest am I
Conditions untoward nurture in one, a pitiful soul
Whose protected coverings plagued with heightened sensations
Swiftly augmenting vastitude in clockwork mentality
Growing awareness to disintegrate control
How does one lose one’s self to another’s existence made known?
Unnerving, upsetting, detesting it all!
Inauspicious breathing… left unreversed and reserved.
I am strained by this explosive rest.
He showed and told me everything,
Everything he owned…
I understood and felt them all,
But now his love I can’t behold…
He heard and saw everything I am,
Almost everything I own…
He understood and felt them all,
Then never wanted more….
Also published in xyldrae.deviantart.com
(Expressing for an anonymous friend)
I have proacted drama involuntarily, or so I say
Because my choices do not make me look good at all;
And Euthanasia disguised as Euphoria lays its stage,
Bringing forth all players in my head, all dressed as fools.
Their dialogues are noises, though one meaning they accord:
My fate is seared. I am not wanted. Please make it change!
…But I can never change her who
Had made me, at every second split,
Aware that I try to breathe
And aware that I’m unaware.
(A collaboration with Rona Fe Almazan)
Noble, as you bestow yourself to me,
Conniving with freedom and so with secrecy.
But there is nothing epic in the plot you reckon
To weave me tangled in the sultry burrows of your being
I’d leave my sentiments, dry up these dreadful illusions
And burn my amusement with bitterness or deceptions
For it all boils down to preferences fit for moral, no, mortal, convenience
All far from the magnitude of scarcely explored greatness.
His melancholic spontaneity won’t release me.
There’s more of gloom coming,
I am overwhelmed but this smile hurts my face.
Now he sings like a leprechaun
Brewing MADNESS in his pot of false hope.
Oh why am I here
peeping and weeping
grieving for his real name
While he dances in a humid hell of deceits
It is his home…..
He sings it like a DIRGE –
…is his name!
Also published in xyldrae.deviantart.com