*a black heart drowning in euphoria*

Reality

My Baby Aquaman

My little tenor
My great big hero
With stellar eyes
That enshrine the skies
My spotless joy
Who makes me whole
Who gifts me with
My salient role
Whose laughter showers
Me with peace
Burning sorrows
Into scents of ease
Resilient one
And Baby Aquaman
Love vaster than seas
Exceeding what man can
Who strides in his paths
And sings and laughs
Like every sense
In most brilliant paragraphs
Flower charmer
Jolly soul
Enchanted by
The things you know
The way your eyebrows cross
Each time you speculate
The way you make me laugh
Repeatedly until my jaws would ache
The way you teach yourself
to speak our languages
Kreiscircle! Until you finally could say correctly “rectangle”!
Right after octagon
And nanogon and pentagon
And learning how to write with polygons

A zzz
The letter A as you turned two
Count to fiveteen sixteen
Then finally fifteen to seventy two!
Painting abstracts in your own way
Swirling fingers to draw your shapes in the air…
Painting the pricelessness of life
Saying and singing God bless the moon and the stars
Falsetto when shy
Nothing can break your melodies the moment you try..
Dancing so gloriously
There’s nothing that you don’t do so happily…
Claiming the time that I owe you each day
As you’re patient enough to let go when I can’t stay…
You are my everything,
What makes a queen worth giving a crown
What makes the drowned undrown..
My little tenor
My great big hero
You summon sweet infinity
From a point less than zero
Keep singing your songs
Preserve your keen and innocent ways
Keep daring as you do
Keep finding the marvel outside and within you..
You’ve moved mountains before you were born…
You can never be broken. You may never be torn.
You are light like Christ,
You’ll rule the days and the nights!
Keep seeing the world as God had made it to be
Keep seeking Him everywhere
And be who you’re meant to be..


Where Oh Where to Take the Stars

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Where oh where oh where to take the stars,
My dearest, sweetest whom I must guide away from liars…

Time stretches her arms to extend despondency
Autumn mirrors my melancholy….

Yet the world’s sourly wrought ages,
Wrinkle primitive inclinations…
Unembraces callously
Beings composed in disintegration…

A contained container with contents somewhere else…
The song of the wind in a planet Mars….
Ridiculous words that deceive the self-proclaimed
Astronauts who have never seen the stars…

We’ve ceased to understand what impediments are
As we merely speak of them from our inner gnomes…
Scattering ourselves without motion,
Feigning malfunctions in our chromosomes..

If tides and currents make good scours
We’ll be mistaking them for scars…

Maxims, Axioms, Dictums of who?
Unbuild my dreams and break my rhymes…
Meridians prime, where I can’t find
The over-stalked lover in Pacific’s crimes

Magnetic Storms cast me frozen
While I hold the burnings stars…
I must stretch Time’s arms even longer
For a diameter’s half that breaks seven bars…

My dearest child, kept in gray
I hope we both don’t ever go astray…


Foul Way Of Love

(something written some years ago)
Duisburg

Wake up in breathless mourning glory
Cheat and blame the skies
Turn your back on the stunning light before you
Drift off and die.

The devil shows you a tease
So you go on and pry
Pretending it won’t hurt more to stain more
So you build up the gallows of your head with lies

Take the gray off the ashes
And let them burn again-
This is your foul way of love
Will anyone get it right?


You Are Your Diction – Revision

Revision of You’re Only As Deep As Your Diction

An exchange of words doesn’t mean a conversation has commenced.
Sometimes people communicate better in silence.

You’ll be surprised with what Silence can say
And disgusted with what a thousand words can not.
The timing of holding your tongue
Perfects your mastery on wielding the words you’ve got.

Diction is action.

Action is one of those things that we truly own.
Yet, it’s one of those things most people die to give away.

Action is Life.

Live your own short Life and love it.
For we were all made not to last in this precious form,
A hymn of envy that fallen angels have sung…
As they attempt to battle Eternity contained within our dying selves.

These are underrated statements.

A good man lives in God’s time.
The non-inquisitive are confounded.
Have you seen a deeper soul than one that has settled
Its confounded passions for diversities unrelented?

Do not risk falling asleep and waking up
With things you can not wake up to. Forgive.
Do not risk falling asleep and waking up
With things your soul aches not to die with. Live.

These are scarcely practiced values.

You have not been hired to make an appearance on Earth,
You were gladly brought into it and invited
To savor the glory of the fullest of Life and what isn’t.
To not merely scratch the surface of Heaven and Hell and finish untainted.

While favorites are fine, how would you know there are better things in Life
If you’ve shut your ears exclusive to just one genre of music?
Find all your assets a glass half full or a glass half empty –
Inevitably you always have something and that is terrific!

These are inceptions to tell you what ‘Difference’ means.

PRESERVATION is the name of a false god.
Reservation, one of his forms;
Should you check if you’ve descended towards being a god,
See if you enviously live within self-righteous norms…

Then one need not tell you how awful you’ve been,
With all your lame deceit.
Vanity will wear your soul as its crown
An you would seem very proud of it.

These are some of the willful deadly sins…

A willing man is moved by his desire
To achieve and not by his desire to please;
Thus, you’ll perceive nothing mundane from a willing man
And his gestures with good intentions shall always give ease.

Those who always say they want to die
Usually mean they are dying to live
Those who are closely incapable of tears
Usually suffer greater than those who did…

These are a flow of flaws so common.

Don’t use your mouth for the deaf.
Don’t use visuals for the blind.
Don’t bother to touch the numb.
Find the functional or leave it behind…

Most often, a curse is a gift you just don’t understand
Or a gift you know not how to use.
It’s too strange not to be strange…
Deepen your prayers and you’ll know not to abuse.

These are the neglected obvious.

Seeing the wrongs is a chance to make things better.
So smile when you see one, and multiply those smiles when you do.
If you can see the disasters of others and find the light amidst your own
Then you won’t question your heart when it tells you who are you…

He who despairs to keep what’s beautiful
By wasting off every bit of beauty it bares
He had never had and will never have
But the aftersense of Asmodeus glares.

These, like pride, are just but other forms of insecurity.

Your temptations are not only meant to destroy you,
But to make you a means to destroy
Something bigger and brighter than you.
Look outside your self and furthermore enjoy…

You can never understand something real
When you’re listening with a fake ear.
A good listener knows when and how
To make someone shut up and tame his falsified ear.

These are some aspects of proper co-existence.

It’s not a relationship if one can not relate.
You can not cut a bridge that you’re still crossing unless you want to fall in vain.
The less you are in a prayerful life, the more sick you’ll become..
Begging your dawns and brief nights be spared by chaotic rain.

There’s no such shallowness to which real depth can not compensate;
So kiss with your ears when your lips have failed. Yes, kiss…
Look with your eyes closed when you can’t find while they’re wide open
There’s quite a gain you’d get for life’s every haunting miss.

This could be but a circus of words, should you chose to make it.


To Hover Above

Tips

Often, I feel like crashing into the sun when I forget
That I can just hover above the clouds…
Then I return to reality to gaze upon the beauty from where I stand….
And see all these that make the world go round…
Good and bad, through which all good can be made…
There’s no bad thing that can’t transcend to something good,
And there’s no good thing that can result to bad…
And when they say that hate had sprung from Love,
I say hate was always hate, or there was never love…

Often, I have felt, that I’ve just strayed into the moon
When I’ve forgotten that I could… hover above the stars…
Then I return to reality to gaze beyond the beauty in where I stand….
And understand why must the world go round…


How Do You Take A Death?

How do you take a death,
When the weight of its pain
Brings you to your knees
And stabs you repeatedly
As you bleed through most sorrowful tears?

How do you take a death,
When its cold bludgeons you frozen
Makes you crawl to nowhere
In all your disbelief
When you try to justify Life’s loss…

…and find out there’s no Justice…
For an angel born in a new home, Heaven…

Do you question the Lord,
Do you blame Him for the choice of the cause
The mistakes, the circumstances,
The manner of death,
The suffering much less than you now have to endure?

Know there is justice….
For an angel born in a new home, Heaven…

Do not question the Lord…
If not to get answers.
You can not take a death…
Unless it is yours…

And you can live in honor
Of all the good your lost love have done alive
And you can live in respect
To all the wishes of our beloved departed…
Accepting an angel is born
In a better home we call Heaven…


Chambers of the Obsolete III

Originally uploaded and copyrighted in xyldrae.deviantart.com

So dark, the shadows in my eyes
So light, the hell within my burden,
That I may never say good night
In the calming presence of moonlight.

So vast, the barren spaces of my woes
So crowded, the only things that hold
That I may never taste more than defeat
In the cruel chambers of the obsolete.


If Darkness Is So Bad

Originally uploaded and copyrighted with credits for stock usage in xyldrae.deviantart.com and created for the “Scavenger Hunt” contest administered by the Intermediate-Manips group.

If darkness is so bad…
Why do we close our eyes when we pray…
Why as we become deeper
The further our visuals go away…
Is it not dark when we dream
And envision beyond what our eyes behold –
The sights that render us powerless
Against the worthy stories untold…

If darkness is so bad,
I dare you watch the stars in daylight
I dare you love less the sun…
I dare you keep your kisses to your sight
Don’t close your eyes when you make love
Gaze not at the twilight as it goes
Find no beauty in your favorite scenery
And imagine things without their shadows

If darkness is so bad,
What makes Light redeeming?
What heightens touch, what perfects sound
Why eyes are closed when soulfully singing?
If darkness is so bad,
I dare you, wish upon no shooting star
Pray only for what’s delighting.
Keep sane in continuous joys
Blind to the glory of overcoming.



You’re Only As Deep As Your Diction

An exchange of words doesn’t mean a conversation has commenced.
Sometimes people communicate better in silence.

You’ll be surprised with what Silence can say
And disgusted with what a thousand words can not.
The timing of holding your tongue
Perfects your mastery on wielding the words you’ve got.

Diction is action.

Actions are one of those things that we truly own.
Yet, it’s one of those things most people die to give away.
Ironic as we were all infants when we were born
Yet some of us never grew up, some even ended stray…

And we are all adults at some point
But not all of us choose to grow wisely young…
And we were all made to not last in this form
A hymn of envy that fallen angels have sung…

These are underrated statements.

A good man lives in God’s time.
The non-inquisitive are confounded.
Have you seen a deeper soul than one that has settled
Its confounded passions for diversities unrelented?

Do not risk falling asleep and waking up
With things you can not wake up to. Forgive.
Do not risk falling asleep and waking up
With things your soul aches not to die with. Live.

These are scarcely practiced values.

You have not been hired to make an appearance on Earth,
You were gladly brought into it and invited
To savor the glory of the fullest of Life and what isn’t.
To not merely scratch the surface of Heaven and Hell and finish untainted.

While favorites are fine, how would you know there are better things in Life
If you’ve shut your ears exclusive to just one genre of music?
Find all your assets a glass half full or a glass half empty –
Inevitably you always have something and that is terrific!

These are inceptions to tell you what ‘Difference’ means.

PRESERVATION is the name of a false god.
Reservation, one of his forms;
Should you check if you’ve descended towards being a god,
See if you enviously live within self-righteous norms…

Then one need not tell you how awful you’ve been,
With all your lame deceit.
Vanity will wear your soul as its crown
An you would seem very proud of it.

These are some of the willful deadly sins…

A willing man is moved by his desire
To achieve and not by his desire to please;
Thus, you’ll perceive nothing mundane from a willing man
And his gestures with good intentions shall always give ease.

Those who always say they want to die
Usually mean they are dying to live
Those who are closely incapable of tears
Usually suffer greater than those who did…

These are a flow of flaws so common.

Don’t use your mouth for the deaf.
Don’t use visuals for the blind.
Don’t bother to touch the numb.
Find the functional or leave it behind…

Most often, a curse is a gift you just don’t understand
Or a gift you know not how to use.
It’s too strange not to be strange…
Deepen your prayers and you’ll know not to abuse.

These are the neglected obvious.

Seeing the wrongs is a chance to make things better.
So smile when you see one, and multiply those smiles when you do.
If you can see the disasters of others and find the light amidst your own
Then you won’t question your heart when it tells you who are you…

He who despairs to keep what’s beautiful
By wasting off every bit of beauty it bares
He had never had and will never have
But the aftersense of Asmodeus glares.

These, like pride, are just but other forms of insecurity.

Your temptations are not only meant to destroy you,
But to make you a means to destroy
Something bigger and brighter than you.
Look outside your self and furthermore enjoy…

You can never understand something real
When you’re listening with a fake ear.
A good listener knows when and how
To make someone shut up and tame his falsified ear.

These are some aspects of proper co-existence.

It’s not a relationship if one can not relate.
You can not cut a bridge that you’re still crossing unless you want to fall in vain.
The less you are in a prayerful life, the more sick you’ll become..
Begging your dawns and brief nights be spared by chaotic rain.

There’s no such shallowness to which real depth can not compensate;
So kiss with your ears when your lips have failed. Yes, kiss…
Look with your eyes closed when you can’t find while they’re wide open
There’s quite a gain you’d get for life’s every haunting miss.

This could be but a circus of words, should you chose to make it.


The Real Battle

(Some lines were adapted in “Smile”, a song collaborated with three of the best rap artists in the Philippines. including my husband. This verse was also originally written as lyrics for an unfinished song.)

Slinging in the chambers of an empty mind
The devil smiles when he pries and he soothes with lies
They’re knocking on the cracks of your hollowed heart
Keep your grasp of the Truth, undeceived by dark
Conquer your ennui, perform a true deed
Shut down your judgement, let go of your greed
Be clinging to the good, be overpowering,
Hating on the bad that brings all suffering.

Get ready to battle your devils inside!
Get ready to battle the devils outside!!!
You’re ready to wipe out your devils inside…
You’re ready to wipe out the devil’s outside!

Anger is a gift, only if you overcome it
Miracles are common so believe it and behold it!
Realize all the lies until it’s no surprise
When all your haters have been unmasked before your weary eyes
Don’t be deceived or you won’t retrieve
The spoils of the battle, the fruits of the seed…

You’re given the power because you can control –
You know your greatness so live by your soul!
Don’t be so shallow and burn with your pride
Open yourself and find Jesus inside
Raise up your head and on Heaven’s side
Lay down your armour and shine with your light!


Will Not

from http://xyldrae.com

Will not bury any castles
Or be dragged by pessimists who don’t know they are;
Instead, as a vigilant Christian,
Must expel demons that diminish
The effectivity of communication among people
Of course, do all these with
The help of Christ, in His Light
And for Love, who is God.

No more emasculation but otherwise
No more wasting away on dead ends
No more mediocrity in writing
No more worldly expression
No more superficial concerns
No more robotic routines. No more.
from www.xyldrae.com

Pain gives us a sense of what matters.
Never miss this light and never
Act on the emotion but act on the Light.


Back Off. Back Up. Back Out.

(Image inspired by the song “Wild Child” by Lonesome Minstrel.)

Where you so alienated with too much familiarity?
It’s too easy to choose to stay away and be safe,
Kill the flame
Live the dream you have mastered
Void yourself…

Back off.

Where you so merely overwhelmed with too much serendipity?
It’s the hardest to decide not to spare a chance,
Burst the flame
Emblazon in the perfect hell where you’ve made yourself at home…
Unbuild yourself…

Back up.

Where you so right with all you knew?
It’s too impossible to go on happily and feel clean,
Water the fire
Perfect the self-righteous freedom entrapment
Deprive yourself…

Back out.


Life and Calamities

(In memory of all the people, dead or alive, affected by the flash floods and landslides caused by the Typhoon Sendong.)

NPPA image linked from http://ph.news.yahoo.com

A tender little doll freshly drowned in mud
In the shaking arms of her weeping father…
On Christmas season when she was aged three or four…
She was one corpse of a thousand others more…

A multitude of suddenly homeless mouths to nourish
Who aren’t sure YET, if they’d be thankful to have survived…
Still out in their heads searching for loved ones and strangers
Still praying they’re still alive…

These are a glint of the wrath of a flash flood
That had more than a city abused and wiped out.
Life turns off when calamities turn on
But the Lord has told us how we could be saved…

When thousands of people had their breaths expire
Millions come together to relieve what they’ve left behind
Millions more continue calling out…
Out of their way… into their lives…

These are the heroes of heroes
Who had to be victims that heroes need save
Life goes on when calamities go off
But the Lord is watchful on how we behave…

—-

Donations

From the Philippine Red Cross website:

SMS

Text REDAMOUNT to 2899 (Globe) or 4143 (Smart)

G-Cash

Text DONATEAMOUNT4-digit M-PINREDCROSS to 2882

You can donate the following denominations:
Globe: 5, 25, 100, 300, 500 or 1000
Smart: 10, 25, 50, 100, 300, 500 or 1000

or go to: http://www.redcross.org.ph/donate
for more info and options

For overseas Filipinos, you can donate thru the Philippine National Red Cross’ website: http://www.redcross.org.ph/donate

—-

SOME VIDEOS FOR THE 2011 SENDONG TYPHOON:


Looking Up By Looking Down

Who says you’ll never see the sky
if you’re looking down?
Haven’t you heard?
God is everywhere and He
makes all things work for the good
of those who love Him.


The only way you could have convinced yourself that I’m a pessimist is by being one yourself.


The only freedom you’ll ever need
Is freedom from yourself.


The sweetest thing a person can do to you
is to do the sweetest thing to you and then do you wrong. Right?
Wrong.


… and when all you claim to need to live
is to have my world revolve around you,
/
live for you,
I find it very unnecessary to die for you.


You don’t really have to give me
the whole damn world when I’ve
spent my entire life in struggle
so now I am apart from it.


And of course, you will never
understand if you don’t listen first.


How can a person respond to a person who’s
asking for something you’ve already given,
and given in its best form?


Some actions would appear and come to you
like an assault of flying daggers,
but if your heart can only see the intentions behind them…
you’d know you were never the target.


If you so believe in choice,
why do you call yourself
a slave of circumstance?


Life is not like a box of chocolates these days.
People seem to always know what they’re gonna get.
And people seem to want to always know what they’re gonna get.
Where are all the people who actually want to live???


You keep on looking at me like some sort of mirror.
Is that why you’re breaking me?


You keep on looking at her like some sort of mirror.
Is that why you keep trying to break her?


You keep on looking at him like some sort of mirror.
Is that why you love him?


Do you know how the uneducated take opinionated news?
Of course you do!
It clearly shows in your opinions.


Okay…. If you want me to be
“Marcia f****** Braidy”
all you have to do is carry on with your fantasy
whilst I live my life in the real world. Kindly excuse me.


How typical our response to anger is….
Aren’t you all bored with that?


Taking responsibility
and being responsible are
two different actions.
It’s nice to have them come together…


What if? What if? What if?
Are you a fool to obsess with making me think like you?
No thanks, but I am truly grateful for
what is, what is, what is,
what was, what was, what was,
and what will, what will, what will.
And for someone who doesn’t bother to know the difference, just
dismiss yourself on your own accord,
then I’ll be glad to finally talk.


You make it sound right.
Take a hint!
Good luck!


He is a hero because he died
saving someone else’s life.
He’s human and divine because he had
the heart to make that choice.


Everyone is a victim in any story.
We just miss the fact that the antagonist
is not among us and
that the obvious solution and mission is
co-existence
which can only be achieved through love.


If it’s not pride,
why does it overlook everything it tramples on?


“How do you kill a thing that has already died?”
the “Lonesome Minstrel” says.
I say:
Give it life then kill it again.


Love… love… love….
why are people so obsessed with what it’s not?


Come to think of it….
let me just end this by telling you,
I love you.

(This is originally posted as prose in Valkyrja*Soul but I’ve decided to post it here and make it appear as spoken word, as it actually is a compilation of such. The attachment is also published in flickr.com/valkyrjaxoul.


True Joys (Remake from an Actual Conversation)

(This is a remake of excerpts from an actual conversation written hereafter.)

I want relaxing joys…
Joys that aren’t achieved over tremendous pressure.
I want joys that come in peace,
in kindness freely given,
in love…
in real love…
or in honest hate overcame…

I want joy that does not demand,
a price or a sacrifice…
Such as the joy transcending from an existence…
For otherwise, I am bountiful.

I want so fondly, this plain emotion
gracefully finding its way
through our converted jungles and savory hollows…
riding nothing but time…

I want relaxing joys…
That would transpire for a second
to affect your whole life…
with love…
with real love…
until you can hate no more…

(Excerpts from an actual Conversation:)

I want relaxing joys…
Joys that aren’t achieved over tremendous pressure.
I want those that come in peace,
in kindness freely given,
in love….
I want joy that does not demand a price or sacrifice…
I want that plain emotion from time to time….


Some Kind of Funeral

(A collaboration with Sherylene Dela Cruz)

Dirge for the superficial will,
The sheep,
The crab,
The maggots,
And the geniuses in ghost-disguise.
A funeral for the
Abortionists
Of Art,
Of Life

Look for that insight
Embedded on the estranged heart.
Be it welcomed. Nourished. Flourished.
No digging of shallow holes
Of/For the rotten.

But explore that Black Hole
That’s existence’s already to You known!

Eternity
Was and Is

Always a part of You.


Kings and Cowards

Kings and cowards are both men
Not all men are kings
But all men are cowards to
Drastic emotional change

And muses veil corrections assaultingly
With the knives that glare off stabbing eyes
Blindedly perceiving pain
Upon the splattered truth from instinct acted on

And so sweet lovers err…
And so sweet lovers die…


On What Expense

On what expense does a man bare his soul
to a woman he does not intend to keep?
And on what expense does a man keep
a woman he does not intend to bare his soul with?

What does a man tell himself when he realizes on what expense?
And what does a man do to not realize on what expense?

On what expense does a man love
And on what expense does he not?

Also published in xyldrae.deviantart.com. Feel free to change the perspective to male to female.


Deconstructing Cinderella

Everybody knows her story… branded Cinderella:
She was born. She lost her mother.
Some witch took over. She lost her father.
Her properties coveted by step-women.
One day with the help of pests for friends,
And her bored fairy godmother,
She catches the lead clown in a social circus most grand
Leaves one of her shoe pair upon unethical eluding
Per chance to be found.
And she was.
Clown boy puts her back in her original place
And they flatter happily ever after.

Here are the non-moral lessons:
Cinderella is a loser.
This has nothing to do with parental loss.
She simply lost her sense of self
When she chose to be coveted
She had no role in the story
Aside from being the conflict for the doers of deeds.
Pests got to be friends.
Fairy godmother existed purposely and looked good.
Clown boy is tagged heroic
And step-women were made necessary for all.

Okay. Okay. MORAL LESSON:
To be not mundane, know yourself and be.

This is also published in xyldrae.deviantart.com.